ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My balls are so social today.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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