The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
