i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
ugly people sure do ruin things
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
