I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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