I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
