like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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