dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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