Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
