Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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