Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
