well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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