My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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