I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
True strength comes from lack of pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
