i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
