saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
