literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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