If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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