I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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