Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
