You smell like stripper and shame
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
