Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
