it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
