dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
