You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
