Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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