I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
