So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
