I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just gift wrapped bread.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
