I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish you could order shots online.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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