My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
