Betty ford says i'm here all night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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