I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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