Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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