OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
