i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
