Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
