Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
