I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
