Me. At least after what I've been through.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
