those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
