my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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