don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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