ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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