You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think a kid would responsible me up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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