the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
