I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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