I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
