My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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