Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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