god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
