Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
