All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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