next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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