Pants 0. Shit 1.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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