Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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