whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
