Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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